Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
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no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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