I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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