i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
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One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
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I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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