Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
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some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
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My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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