he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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