every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Randomize