Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.

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(248): i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles. http://tfl.nu/v155

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(973): View more from New Jersey

Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.

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(973): Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California. http://tfl.nu/4mjs

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape

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(617): May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape http://tfl.nu/qfom

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(530): View more from California

We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?

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(530): We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef? http://tfl.nu/bmpn

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(864): View more from South Carolina

Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.

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(864): Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie. http://tfl.nu/k7pt

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(913): View more from Kansas

He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.

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(913): He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'. http://tfl.nu/awoj

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(217): View more from Illinois

The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left

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(217): The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left http://tfl.nu/fjkf

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.

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(978): I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters. http://tfl.nu/m77a

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.

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(781): They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me. http://tfl.nu/xmpj

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(908): View more from New Jersey

I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.

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(908): I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger. http://tfl.nu/tt9q

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(559): View more from California

She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude

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(559): She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude http://tfl.nu/6q44

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(502): View more from Kentucky

Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.

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(502): Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high. http://tfl.nu/rams

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(914): View more from New York

Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?

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(914): Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion? http://tfl.nu/d942

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(646): View more from New York

I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.

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(646): I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could. http://tfl.nu/xxra

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(216): View more from Ohio

blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester

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(216): blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester http://tfl.nu/2842

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