Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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