i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
