They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
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