Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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