Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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