Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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