Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize