i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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