well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
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the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
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i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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