Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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