They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize