i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
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I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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