The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
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My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
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It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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