I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
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