The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
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Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
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You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Also, beer. Big fan.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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