Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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