Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
as a side note pls kill me
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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