Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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