i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize