In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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