oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm bleeding and have questions
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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