I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
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