Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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