My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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