More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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