I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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