I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
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If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
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Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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