I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize