she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
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Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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