I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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