onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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