Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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