I feel like I'm in dance class right now
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize