i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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