i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
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Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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