Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
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