I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
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No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
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You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
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