38 yer olds are good kisserssss
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
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Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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