8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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