the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
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I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
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Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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