I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
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I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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