She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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