I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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